finding Her Inner Resolve

He took my fragile heart
so starved of love that, with his slightest touch
I flourished and grew,
radiant in the joy of our most contented days.

He took my fragile heart
and threw it down,
then stood aside, and watched me writhe
in the exhausting agony of my tears.

He took my fragile heart
and threatened to engulf my light
in the shadows of his wearisome self-pity
and cool indifference to my pain.

He took my fragile heart
but it did not break,

for I saw that, all along, it was strong
that I was worthy, I was enough
that I was loved.

He took my fragile heart
but I crawled out
from my dark and loneliest hours,
spread out my arms and felt the warmth on my face
of the astonishing light

…. of my own being.

finding How to Let Go

strong arms around me
our footprints in the sand
flirtatious pleasure
as we danced, wiggle enticing him
lazy morning’s loving
blissful contentment, melting to his touch

our passion faded to sepia now
lost in the distance of time …

the knot of longing almost gone

love’s blindness revealing to me only now
the depths of his arrogance and wearisome self pity

my sunlit future days beckoning me on
his shadow left behind …

… and the knot finally untied

finding Love wasn’t Enough

 

Why did I never write about it when we were happy?

Because it felt so fragile, I knew, of course, even then
that if I looked at it, just for a moment, it would break,
and so would I

My desire so deftly silenced the screaming of my inner voice,
that it became a knot inside me,
even through our happiest times … so many of those …
always that knot of knowing he would go.

There was nothing I could do, no matter how I tried,
And, in the end,  it would be the trying that overwhelmed him
And he would leave.

But the knot would stay
a vice of raw and overwhelming sadness
of loneliness, of grief for happiness lost, of longing
for what could have been.

I would have to find my way

For only then, the knot would be gone
and so would I …

finding She Had Fallen in Love

 

image

The moment
when life changes
for ever

A thunderbolt
so violent
nothing would be the same
again

It happened …
to me

Heartbeat, missed
breath, short
room, still
Just him
and me

He was the end
and the beginning
of my journey

What I did not see
until I had fallen
until it was too late
was that

it had not happened …

to him