finding Berlin (2018)

It was clear, from their very first conversation, that one of the things that drew them together was a shared desire to travel, so it was natural that within weeks of meeting, they started thinking about where they’d like to take their first trip together …

It’s a big step, travelling with someone for the first time, but, as the saying goes, when it’s right, it’s right.  And it felt right from the very start.  It was nevertheless important to find somewhere neither of them had been to before so everything, from the food to the language, the sights to the people – were new. In that way, the experience would be exclusively theirs, together.

Berlin ticked all those boxes.

It’s one of those cities that is always going to be a fascinating place to visit.  It has no choice but to look its recent history in the eye … and try to move on, all the while reinventing itself in the eyes of the rest of the world, and its own. No mean feat, when at every turn in this extraordinary city, there are stark reminders of the atrocities of a world at war. From Checkpoint Charlie to vast stretches of the Berlin Wall still looming grey against the skyline, both with moving exhibitions about the desperate impact on the lives of Berlin’s communities, as the city was divided into East and West. The powerful grandeur of the Brandenburg Gate, standing proud and defiant, the site of one of the most iconic scenes in recent German history when thousands celebrated as the Wall fell in 1989, and representing now not so much the a divided Germany, but more a symbol of unity and freedom.

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A city very much coming to terms with its past, respecfully and quietly. This struck them no more so that at the Holocaust Memorial. Over 2,500 giant block of grey concrete, set out to deliberately confuse on an undulating piece of land near the city centre.  Even on a sunny day, the atmosphere was eerie and desolate with a clever play of light as the shadows played on the stones – a deeply thought provoking homage to the murdered Jews of Europe.

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Berlin’s history is fascinating and tragic, and it is all too easy to spend time there feeling pulled down by the weight of it.  There is no escaping the past but there is no doubt that this is a city that passionately strives to look forward.  None more so that in Kreusberg, the cool suburb where they stayed, giving them snap shot into the lives of modern day Berliners – families to-ing and fro-ing on their bikes, music flowing out of the bars along the riverbank, every kind of cuisine, street art … the hip place to be.

They found a tiny ruin bar just off the river front, a building that they wouldn’t have given a second glance to without the recommendation of their host, graffiti covered, down an uninspiring side street. But what a find.  Inside, the young owners had imaginatively turned this desolate building into a warm and welcoming bar, candlelit nooks and warm smiles, the younger generation celebrating their city and reinventing something old into something new and exciting.  It was Berlin in a nutshell!

 

 

 

finding the place called Home

Two bright orange Sainsbury’s carrier bags! That’s all he was wearing!  He was the first musician she’d been introduced to since moving to Hastings a week before, and meeting him did rather set the tone of things to come. Midst the chaos of Carnival Week’s Pram Race, she could just about make out his name as Ben and that he played in a band called Kinky Peaches!

Being one of many “down froms” who have headed south and stayed,  she’d already found that two things define Hastings – the ever present, ever changing sea setting the pulse for the day … and the people – so welcoming, community-spirited, brave, innovative, unafraid to break the rules and frankly, pretty bonkers with an apparent penchant for dressing up at any given opportunity! 

And amongst them, an ever-growing hub of creative souls whose extraordinary talent colours the lives of everyone there.  Nowhere more so than in the music … stroll the old town on any given evening and it drifts out of the bars, enticing you to stop and listen more.  Take a typical Thursday … a Belgium keyboard player called Ilja de Neve singing full pelt in a tiny intimate bar on the famous George Street. Never heard of him? Neither had she! Did he knock her socks off? Hell yes! Sitting near enough to mop his brow, she’d  marvelled as his fingers effortlessly sped across the keys, his face contorted with passion for his craft, treating them to foot tapping boogie woogie and sublime blues. Up the High Street, German tourists pressing their noses against Jenny Lind’s windows, wondering at the curious scene inside of fishermen – so defined by their breton stripes and beards – raucously singing sea shanties while the punters chorused in, clearly demonstrating the old adage that Hastings is a drinking town with a fishing problem.  Along the street, Sam Calver’s melodic acoustic guitar drifted through the open doors of Porters … and that was all in just one night. Another evening, one drummer kept reappearing at different gigs, the audience even helping him to move his kit so he wouldn’t be late – only in Hastings! 

Of course, this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg.  During those early days in the place that she now called home, young Harry Randall-Marsh, leading his achingly talented soul funk band, had her swooning with one swing of his hips. The Funking Bar Stewards (a challenging name for even the most professional compere!) had them on our feet at the Seafood & Wine Festival. Dr Savage & The Incurables rocking the house at The Nelson, as only he knows how – dear god, the energy of the man!!  Los Twangeros, found most Sunday evenings at Whistle Trago, transporting their audience to sunnier climes. And the weekend treat of Sedlescombe’s Big Green Cardigan Festival – a testament to the quality of the local music scene that its organizers are able to entice such talented musicians to play.  Sister Suzie, by the way – that little lady with the big bluesy voice – absolutely nailed it!!

As so to Ben.  The next time she saw him, he was stealing the show with a guitar solo on the evening of Hastings Pride.  It was then she realised his band is actually called Kid Kapichi! Sorry Ben!

Hastings!  You rock!!

 

finding a New Life

It still seemed extraordinary to her that life could change so much …

Leaving her old life behind had always been about giving herself a chance to be happier.  But it was a huge leap of faith, and took more courage than she knew she had in her.  Life since then had been both terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure … and the most terrifying and exhilarating thing of all was that she never knew how it would all turn out.  Of course, none of us know that, but sometimes something happens that stops you in your tracks, a life defining moment where what happened before, was before, and a new chapter begins …

It had already been a year of change.  She’d finally been able to move on from a job which was beginning to suffocate her – to a job that offered a better quality of life, less stress and more freedom of time … and spirit.  Not long after that, an opportunity came unexpectedly to move home, and she decided overnight that this was a chance to live on the coast – something she’d always dreamt of.

So within a fortnight, she’d packed her bags and moved to a tiny studio flat overlooking the sea.  She knew the town, but hardly knew anyone who lived there.  So this really was a chance to start afresh, put heartache behind her, breathe in the sea air and embrace a new life.  There’s something empowering about being brave.  It’s confidence giving and it’s a shift of mindset, where anything seems possible … she knew she’d be fine.

When you live by the sea, it’s always there.  It somehow dictates the pulse of the day. The sound of the waves filtered through her window – sometimes fiercely wild, sometimes a gentle lap on the shingle … always hypnotically pulling her out to walk along the beach, breeze tousling her hair, sun caressing her face, a new life waiting for her to let it in with all its possibilities and hope …

It was her first weekend there. One of those glorious July mornings when sun catches the sea like a path of diamonds out to the horizon, when the beach is already dotted with early swimmers, day trippers eager to find their spot on the sand, locals meandering down to the promenade for a coffee.

She’d been walking for a couple of hours, exploring,  pinching herself that this was now the place she could call home.  There was a small cafe by the beach, nothing more than a beach shack, but near enough to where she lived that she’d figured she’d meet some of the locals there.  There was a friendly buzz about the place.  She ordered her usual latte, and spotted a line of orange deckchairs fluttering in the breeze looking over the sea. There was just one empty deckchair.

“Do you mind if I sit here?”, she’d asked the man sitting next to it.  He looked up. And time stood still, and in that moment, her life changed.

Fate’s work was done.

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finding Him

 

 

Unwittingly

 

They had each held the end 

Of the invisible string of fate

Connecting them

 

All the while

The string coiled tighter 

Pulling them in

 

Closer and closer

 

That day

Life held its breath

 

Their bodies so near now

The distance between them

No more that a moment in time

 

“Can I sit here?”, she’d said

 

He looked up,

The day stood still

All that went before, was before

 

This was their time

 

Fate’s work was done

 

finding Dubrovnik (2018)

The view of the medieval city walls was quite different to how it had looked the day before, when they’d walked its perimeter over several hours, taking in, from above, the maze of narrow cobbled alleyways within.  The old town had suffered its fair share of conflict over the centuries, not least of which the bombardment in the early 90s, when over two-thirds of the historic town’s buildings were hit by artillery during the break up of Yugoslavia. It took a UNESCO led initiative to reconstruct the town back to its former splendour, its turbulent history sand-blasted out of the stone, topped with new terracotta tiles adorning the roofs.

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However for the first time in history, the city walls had themselves received over one hundred direct hits, and from their new vantage point, the scars were there to see.

The opportunity to see the city from the sea was too good to miss, despite the reservations of her girlfriend who had envisaged a rather more relaxing break in the sun.  So, it was not without some trepidation (neither of them having even set foot in a canoe before), they took to the water, under the watchful eye of their tour guide and the rest of the group, far younger and rather intrigued by the sight of two women who should have known better giggling their way out into the bay, struggling to control the direction of their unruly kayak.

Once they’d fathomed how to synchronise their strokes, they’d settled into an easy rhythm, unwilling to admit to their aching backs and knees, sore arms and sunburnt faces tingling with the salty spray.  It wasn’t for the faint hearted, and 3 hours in, paddling against the current, getting back to the safety of the harbour was no mean feat for even experienced kayakers.  And wet didn’t even begin to describe the state of their underwear – perhaps wet suits would have been a better idea! But they did it, and did not embarrass themselves by floating unchecked towards the horizon (it happened) or falling overboard (that happened too)!

And they managed to keep up with the kids! So, in the end, it’s all about perspective!  Like the town wall, they might have been showing signs of having been around for a while, but they’d lived to fight another day!

 

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finding the Northern Lights (2018)

“Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.  Choose happiness”

(Brionnie Ware, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying)

A new chapter had begun. A page turned.

She’d left a job of the last thirteen years to take another that, she hoped, would give her a better quality of life.  It was a time for change. It felt like the stars were aligned … and she was feeling brave.

Feeling brave is feeling empowered, and so, in that precious week of freedom between leaving one job and starting the next, she pushed her boundaries just that little bit more and booked a flight to the northern most parts of Norway to follow a life long dream to see the northern lights.

Research shows that to stand the best chance of seeing them, there needs to be darkness, and lots of it.  And the best way to find that is to head just about as far north as civilisation allows, to a tiny city called Tromso.  Linked to the main land by a elegant arched bridge, the island of Tromsoya is located over 200 miles north of the Arctic Circle,  where, during the polar night lasting from November to January, the sun does not rise at all.

The darkness apart, never having been a skier, she had also never before experienced a landscape eternally shrouded in its winter coat.  It was difficult for her to imagine, therefore, a land where it is like this for months on end, which is why she wanted to see it for herself.

The flight out of Oslo gave her the first glimpse of what she had been looking for.  In the eerie twilight blue, the jagged crevices and undulating contours of the bleak barrenness were outlined in every detail by the snow, norwegian firs piercing through, standing proud and defiant in this unforgiving landscape, so much more beautiful here than the one she’d left behind still holding up the gaudy remnants of the festive season at home. On they flew, two hours north of Oslo, on and on, north and north, leaving behind day light hours, and speeding towards a land of perpetual dark.

On her first morning, a violent noise, like someone throwing grit at her bedroom window, woke her with a start.  What she’d noticed when she arrived the night before was how quiet everywhere was.  Not only does a colder climate discourage anyone from venturing out, but the snow muffles any sounds, from passing traffic to voices, thus amplifying the strange and foreign sound, which turned out to be the snow plough doing its morning rounds, clearing the road outside her room after several feet of snowfall while she’d slumbered in the early hours.

In the south of England, on a “bad” year, we might do the depths of winter, or at least our perception of it, for a week or so. We momentarily marvel at the white, sparkling beauty of  a couple of inches of freshly fallen snow, then we grind to a halt. We moan that the trains don’t run on time (if at all).  We begrudgingly clear our drives and slip-slide our unresponsive cars onto roads often ill prepared for a cold snap, with gritting lorries cajoling the main arteries into life, but anywhere else left to the eagerness of its residents to get to work with a shovel.  We dig out our warmest clothes, raid the food stores as if the cold snap is unlikely to ever end, become neighbour friendly in ways we never do in “normal” times, start making homemade soup …. and wait for the thaw.

So different there … they are prepared and several feet (not inches) of snow is the norm. As is the multiple layers of clothing required to even step outside the door.  It certainly takes longer to get ready to go out for the day!

Apparently the way to walk best on frozen ground is to walk like a penguin … not something she ever really mastered and even had to be rescued from the middle of a cross roads when she froze on the spot (literally) trying to decide in which direction she would least likely end up on her derriere!  A kindly octogenarian, came dashing across the road with astonishing nimbleness, and came to her rescue.  It seems the key is not to walk like a penguin, but clip on spikes! She needn’t have worried though – by necessity everything moves slowly – the people (it’s all those clothes) and even the traffic!

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Tromso, dotted with centuries-old painted houses, was a centre for seal hunting, trapping and fishing, and later a launch pad for several notable Arctic expeditions. A truly fascinating place to explore in the mornings, the blue twilight creating an enchanting and surreal landscape before darkness set in, and the town retreated to snug indoors by candlelight, in front of cosy fires and generous bowls of steaming reindeer stew.

Afternoons were for sleeping …  for the real reason for her visit happened of course, at night.

She had three chances to see the northern lights.  Three nights to find what she had dreamed of seeing for as long as she could remember …

The first two nights were too cloudy, so she awoke on her final day knowing that it was now, or probably never.  To cushion the potential disappointment of not seeing them at all, she had booked a husky sleigh ride for that morning.  Two to a sleigh, with a team of excitable barking huskies straining at the reins, they left the city lights behind and headed into the snowy barrenness. It was one of the most exhilarating moments of her life – Wednesday mornings would never quite be the same again.

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And so it came to the last night.

Two minibuses set out in search of the elusive lights, higher and higher, deeper and deeper into the icy wonderland, then stopped to set up campfires and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  It was approaching midnight, by which time she had retreated into the warmth of the minibus and closed her eyes, resigned to the fact that it wasn’t to be.  Then there was a loud banging on the door. “Come quick! The lights!”.  And there they were, drifting across the night sky before her eyes in their magical dance, a green luminescent cloud, shifting and undulating like a flock of murmuring swallows.

There were no words …

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finding Myanmar III (2017)

 

Kipling’s “Road to Mandalay” was the majestic Irrawaddy river.  Her route north to Mandalay, Myanmar’s second city, was rather dustier – think long, poorly constructed roads clinging to the hillsides, with motorbikes weaving erratically between the traffic and the potholes,  carrying anything from a family of four to towers of vibrant flowers destined for market.

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It felt like the true beginning of their journey, leaving behind intensely populated and oppressively hot Yangon, to start getting under the skin of this fascinating country.  She’d never before been on a guided trip like this – two weeks where every minute is carefully itinerated.  It would be easy to write about it like a long tick list of places seen … we went there, we did this … but that wasn’t the point.  This was all about having the privilege of visiting a country that, after years of military dictatorship and ethnic feuding, was just dipping a tentative toe into tourism, so rare to find in a world where travel to far-flung places can be done at the touch of a button.

So then, it must come down to the memories that stay so vivid with the passing of time, that they are as clear as if they happened yesterday …

… the long line of saffron-clad bare-footed novice monks, dull eyes, heads closely shaven, queueing with empty bowls for their meagre lunchtime ration in front of a crowd of camera-totting tourists. A life of monastic discipline, cut off from their families and the outside world until they are old enough to decide for themselves which path they want to take.  For those considered fortunate enough to be here, an escape from poverty and an opportunity of an education – in the eyes of a western tourist, a life without freedom of self-expression, a childhood taken, and a uncomfortable insight into a cloistered life, prostituting itself for the sake of a tourist dollar.

… lying in bed in the early hours, listening to the night calls of unseen animals and deafened by the thunder of monsoon rains on the corrigated iron roof of their chalet deep in the teak plantations at Maymyo, high up in the Shan Highlands. Rains .. and sounds .. like she’d never heard before.

… the best part of a day sweltering on a rattan recliner aboard a paddle-steamer meandering it’s way down the Irrawaddy from Mandalay to the ancient city of Bagan, past under-nourished oxen working barren fields, golden stupa jutting above dense, jungle-clad riverbanks, endless rice paddies, and children splashing in the muddy shallows as their mother rinsed yesterday’s longyi, passing snapshots of rural poverty masked in the beauty of this untouched landscape.

… setting off before dawn for a hot air balloon flight over the temples of Bagan. An eerie silence broken only by the hissing of gas as the balloon serenely rose and drifted over this vast plain, over 2,000 buddhist monuments peeping through the early morning mist. And returning later to climb one of the pagodas to watch in awe the setting of the sun over this most ancient of worlds. … magical times.

 

 

 

 

… speeding across the vast serene waters of Inle Lake, fringed by marshes and floating gardens, stilt-house villages and buddhist temples, marvelling at the Intha fishermen, famed for fishing on one leg, and the curious Kayan people, whose woman consider their long necks encased in brass coils a thing of beauty. Such strange and foreign lands …

 

 

 

 

… most of all, the people.  It takes a trip like this to know what poverty truly looks like.  To know how fortunate are those who have running water, a roof over their heads, and  the certainty of another meal. These things so often taken for granted, when so many people in the world cannot.  And yet, they found people who were respectful, courteous and generous with their time … of course, just waking up to the potential riches a visiting tourist could bring, but nevertheless, grounded by their faith, and genuine with their smiles.

Myanmar, such a privilege, such a place … memories that would stay with her forever …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

finding Myanmar I (2017)

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” (Lao Tzu)

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How to begin to describe the trip of a lifetime?

Everything about it would be a challenge …. the place, the people, the food, the language, the climate … but that was the point.  Life for her was, these days, all about finding out about herself by being brave enough to do extraordinary things that she never dreamed she would be able to do, and pushing the outer limits of her comfort zone. Travelling in Europe, often little more than a 2 hour flight from home, had once felt so adventurous, but now she knew that she would probably find enough that was reassuringly familiar … a comfortable safety net wrapped around her travel plans.

So how far to push that comfort zone, how far to step out of Europe?  Well, South East Asia would do it!

Not one to follow the crowd, Thailand, beautiful though it looked, did not appeal.  It’s poorer neighbour, Myanmar, did. A nation whose people would still be curious about seeing Westerners wandering its streets – how amazing in this day and age, where everything seems so accessible, to have the privilege to visit a country still tentatively learning the huge impact that tourism would have on the very essence of its being.

As is often the way when we plan a trip abroad, it seems that suddenly that very place is appearing everywhere in the news. Is it that many of us are so absorbed in the mundanities of our everyday lives, that we are aware but somehow not aware of events in the world around us until they threaten to impact on our own.  How ridiculous that she had read everything from “The Glass Palace”, chonicling Myanmar’s chequered history since the reign and enforced exile of King Thibaw, to the diaries of Aung San Suu Kyi, yet, until she turned on the news a few weeks before their departure and watched in horror the footage from the Rakhine state, she had not registered the ethnic cleansing that had been happening there for years.  Not something you find in the tourist brochures, that’s for sure.

So the decision had to be made – to go or not to go.  Advice was sought, both official from government sources, and unofficial from friends of friends who had travelled there before, or who lived in South East Asia themselves. Safety was always a concern, though in troubled times, security can be far better and in a way, one feels safer for it.  What played on her mind was the political situation and if she still felt comfortable visiting a country in such turmoil.  It was not an easy decision, but in the end, it came down to the hope that, by going anyway, her visit might in some small way make a meaningful impact on the lives of the some of the people she would meet along the way.

And so, as temperatures in the UK started winter’s downward spiral , she and a friend headed to the airport with suitcases packed with sun hats, mosquito repellent and summer shorts. She’d never been on a flight so long that she somehow mislaid Sunday afternoon, on a plane so large that she had to go upstairs to find her seat ….

The adventure was about to begin ….

 

 

 

 

finding Lisbon (2017)

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Latterly known as the new Barcelona, she stepped from arrivals into Lisbon’s midday heat with eager anticipation, and as her taxi wound its way down into its sprawling suburbs, she wondered if it could possibly live up to that kind of reputation.

Choosing Airbnb was a deliberate attempt to be less of a tourist and more of a local, so home was a tiny apartment in a residential area just east of the Lisbon’s oldest district of Alfama, right on top of a hill.

The hills!  She had been warned about the hills, but these were some serious upward climbs!

Though hills, of course, mean stunning vistas. See from above, Lisbon’s faded beauty is picture postcard, terracotta roofs on careworn tile-clad buildings tumbling towards the sparkling Tagus, famous for sending intrepid explorers out into the big blue. The waterfront, to the east, already redeveloped and achingly cool. Centre stage, the long dining tables in Mercado da Ribeira, the converted food market now revitalised by Time Out, the place to lunch. A noisy, buzzing, anything-you-fancy eating experience, sitting in the middle of the historic food stalls, where market traders have sold local produce since the late 1800s.

Nevertheless, thank goodness for the trams. The famous number 28, clattering through the maze of the narrow cobbled streets of Alfama, inching past parked cars and oblivious tourists, was not for the faint-hearted, but far kinder on the feet and the lungs!  On the other side of town, the “hill” problem is overcome via the Gloria funicular or the slightly bizarre neo-gothic styled Elevador de Santa Justa, rising from the Baixa district to the top of Barrio Alto in seconds, so the views are the only thing to take the breath away!

Lisbon’s hills leave a lasting impression, that’s for sure.

As does the food. In any country, there are certain things that never taste as good as when they are eaten there … in Portugal, it’s sardines. Silver slithers of deliciousness sizzling on market stalls, best enjoyed simply with a fist of crusty bread to soak up all the oil. And of course the famous “nata”, a delicious custard tart, buttery flaky pastry, custard just slightly wobbly, and a dusting of cinnamon.  She could have developed a seriously unhealthy addiction – may be climbing the hills was a good idea after all!

She found herself addicted too to the heart-breakingly beautiful fado music that flowed through the open windows of tiny airless bars in Alfama, as the sun sunk low on those early Summer days.  Fado, from the Latin fatum, and the source of the English word for fate …. so profoundly melancholic, it haunted her still.

They say you have to love yourself before you can be loved. It felt as if Lisbon was just waking up to its potential, quietly hiding away its faded beauty like a secret treasure, still wondering if it could hold its place in the hearts of the tourist droves starting to wander there. She left Lisbon, unsure where this fascinating city sat in her heart, but may be that was because she too was still learning to love herself. She wondered if she had given it enough of a chance to show her all it had to offer …. or perhaps it just wasn’t ready to yet.

 

 

finding Positive Solitude

 

 

“Claim your space. Draw a circle of light around it. Push back against the dark. Don’t just survive. Celebrate.”

(Charles Frazier)

 

She had never heard the expression “positive solitude” until a few days before, but it described perfectly the place she was on her journey.  

When she left her marriage, she knew loneliness would be her achilles heel, so had, of necessity, taught herself to embrace solitude.  The thought of a day on her own still had the capacity to leave a dull thud in her stomach and an uneasiness which she couldn’t quite put her finger on.  But, for the most part, she could get through a day alone, in fact, more than get through….

She found that keeping busy, or at the very least, having a plan, was the key.  Yes, of course, those plans very often displayed all the symptoms of running away, to escape the day-to-day, to break the routine where the silence of no early morning message from him would break her heart again and again. And sometimes, those plans were the end result of anger and defiance standing firm together in a “sod it, I don’t need anyone” kind of way.  Of course, in an ideal world, she would have given anything to be with someone who loved her, simple as that. But there is a difference between wanting and needing.  It took all her strength, but it was that anger, disappointment and hurt that gave her the momentum finally to step out into the world and say “bring it on”.

Holidaying alone, of course, was something else altogether, though she found that fear, when you are brave enough to look it in the eye, has nowhere to go.  

Florence was her first solo trip.  Alone, she spoke less, noticed more … and those moments when it would have been so wonderful, later, to say “Do you remember when …?”, sat in her memory bank alone.  More than anything, she came home with a sense of achievement that made her spirits sour, and still the memory of speeding through the Tuscan hills on a Vespa, that life-affirming rush, that freedom of spirit, left her grinning from ear to ear.

And so to Lisbon. A last minute, need to get on with my life, kind of booking … without any preconceived notions of what to expect.  A deliberate attempt not to be too touristy, to step out of her comfort zone a little further than before. 

And so, she sat typing this story, in a sun dappled courtyard just east of Alfama, the hilly artisan quarter of the town.  A local resident, Jose, popped his head out of his window and offered to put on his favourite fado music to keep her company.  Hauntingly beautiful voices, mending all those lost dreams in a soothing wave of melodies floating through the lemon trees, the delicate blues of heady agapanthus and lavender, across the white washed terrace outside her tiny apartment. For all Lisbon had to offer, she would remember most the magic of that moment. It was perfect.

She realised how far she had come.  So terrified before of even being alone, here she was, in a foreign land without a single soul to turn to. For her, this was being brave beyond her wildest imagination, and she knew she would be fine.  That’s quite a journey!